Casino Royale

James maims, plays games
and jumps through flames,
in search of baddie's names.

All this while he tames the dame,
who claims to love his name.

The first Bond to be blonde responds
by slamming his wand into the girl of which he is fond.

But he's conned and has to respond.

But in the Casino, our 007 albino
was seen-to
try to shag this bambino.

Casino Royale ends in Venice canals
and raised each and every punter's morale.

9/10

An Inconvenient Truth

In parts bordering on mature Cheddar, An Inconvenient Truth, is an lesson in simple, powerful and clear documentaries making. Quite simply one of the most inspirational factual films you will find anywhere on general release. It's so good, in fact, it runs a close third behind the likes of, "The Man with the Exploding Arms" and "The World's Biggest penis".

Between personal moments of nostalgic-Gorgonzola (which would make even our rotten-milk loving Wallace vomit noisily into his own lap), Al Gore presents a clear, no-spin explanation of the world's impending doom. Using the passion and personality which took him to victory in the 2000 presidential campaign, the very well informed Gore presents the issue of Global Warming in a supremely effective and digestible manner.

Funny, startling and shocking, An inconvenient Truth is the Bullet in your Bullet Points, and shows us all exactly what power should really mean in "PowerPoint". Time to close windows and get the flip charts out on our embarressing and dangerously wasteful world.

Wii-Man

Hail the mighty Wii-Man
Not quite as good as He-Man,
Cos he's not very good mates with Ram-Man,
The fat fucker we all called Ram-Man....

Respect is due to the cheeky man.
The man who was the Wii-mote fan.

Off he sped to the high-street land,
Where quickly Wii-Man raised his hands.

The forefinger indeed did pop-up true,
to signal two birds at the blu-ray queue.

The piece of shit the fans call "3"
Was pissed upon by the man called "Wii"

The comedy of this scene is true,
Why wait all day in a fucking long queue,
When all you'll be buying is PieceOfShit3,
And your shiny black poo will be covered with Wii.

Hail the mighty Wii-Man
Not quite as good as He-Man,
Cos he's not very good mates with Ram-Man,
The fat fucker we all called Ram-Man....

Hello, Hello

After a couple of months away from the surgery, your f(r)iendly Doctor is back a taking appointments from week commencing 20th November 2006.

Unfortunately, he himself requires a period of self-consultation for a number of ailments. The reading material for this period of catharsis is as follows:

Juggling: How to keep Two Balls in the Air at once - Boris Donut
How to Make Friends and Pummell People - David Minimilk
Stomach Ache: Is is the Weight of my Penis, or Just Too Many Tic-Tacs? - Dr Brian Divan
Do Mad Birds Make Good Batty-Buffers? - Thomas Boilflick
To Wii or Not to Wii: Prostate Gamers in the 21st Century - Reggie Trickle
Do you put ALL or SOME of your weight behind it? - Jonathan Winkle
Alcohol: Friend or Fiend or Findus Fish Fingers? - Frank Wagstaff
21 Egg Based Cures for Hangovers - Dr Donald M Frisky
Hand Jobs: When Careers in Manual Labour Become Messy - Terry Chickenneck
You are a Fucking Mess: Ken Kutaragi Can Suck my Fucking Balls - Terence Bitter
Whatever Happened to the Tale of the £5 Note? - Ella Sheggles<br>

This list is by no means exhaustive.