Election Night "Highlights"

Well this is a retarded evening. Up all night watching the results roll in, knowing full well that the excitement of the present will no doubt evaporate into a flat sigh of "meh" by 9am.

But there has been a couple of interesting 'tings a g'won.  One of them was Antiques Roadshow's Fiona Bruce (right).  The others were the count results from Mr Brown and Mr Cameron constituencies.

Ah Fiona...  The older sister you'd secret sneak a peek at while she showered.  Maybe.  Her career spanning reporting and news presenting, many a middle-aged man were whooping and a-hollering at the news of her replacing the Micheal "Leatherface" Aspel on the Antiques Roadshow.  Swelling both it's viewing figures AND the flacid gut-sticks of said 60-year-old men, the BBC wheeled her out for the Election all-nighter.  The producers hopeful of her getting off her tits on Bolly by the end of the evening, flashing her jubblies at Messrs Dimbleby and Paxman.  Or not.  Anyway I'm getting distracted.

In David Cameron's constituency of Witney the interesting news wasn't that of a Conservative swing or of Dave's victory.

Nor was it the news of Howling "Laud" Hope; leader of the Monster Raving Loony (William Hill) Party standing in the same constituency and looking like a cross between Roscoe P Coltrane and Boss Hog.

First of all, Mr Aaron Barschak achieved 234 votes and was genuinely scary looking.  Most of us know him as the guy who gatecrashed Prince William's 21st Birthday Party dressed as Osama Bin Laden.

Today he was standing against David Cameron as an independent.  This time he was dressed as the Son of God* complete with crown of thorns and blood.  Nice; especially as he's from a Jewish family, one would think trying to elect ANOTHER self proclaimed King of the Jews would've been a no-brainer for the town who's most famous resident was a schoolboy Red Dwarf's Kryton: another fictional character who served the good of mankind in his own image.

Unlike Jesus, Aaron had followers whole weren't entirely fictitious, in the form of 57 voters / disciples.

In Gordon Brown's constituency of Kirkcaldy and Cowdenbeath there was an interesting chap called Derek Jackson (left) of the "Land is Power Party".  You'd be forgiven for thinking he was representing the 'White Power Men In Black Voguing Party'.  He's not.

Given the camera angle he had plenty of opportunities to flick two finger up and give Brown the "Bunny Rabbit" but he failed, which was a shame.  He had 57 fist-pumping white-panther votes.  Not bad.

Just to finish with a great quote from Paxman while he tired of questioning the MPs, "It's twenty-past three in the morning, can't we just have a straight answer!"

*AKA Brian / The King of the Jews / The Lord Jesus Christ / Zombie Jesus / Son of David / The Prophet / The Good Shepherd / Very Naughty Boy / Lamb of God